Halloween 2009 and Fall Pictures

Better late than never...Here are some pics of the kids from Halloween! Both of the kids were superheros this year! Superman and Wonder Woman! Em went trick-or-treating with some of her friends and we whisked Boyce off to MaMaw and Papa's!

Emily got to perform with the Berkner Bandolera's during the pre-game festivities! She was a part of their dance clinic this year, so they let the girls come down to the field. Can you tell she liked it?

And, of course, Boyce's favorite place is still "outside"....He is getting a little mad that it has been too cold for him to be out!

Happy Fall Ya'll!

The Patterson's Take California...

Well, what can I say? We survived! Emily and Boyce loved every minute of it! Well, maybe not every minute....there were some times they were very worn out!

Disneyland - We spent our first few days at the Disneyland Hotel. We thought that this would be a good location because it is close! We could have stayed in a hotel off the resort and had just as much of a walk! The weather was wonderful, though. It didn't get any hotter than 75 degrees the whole time we were there. The Disneyland people have the rides down to a science now! We did not wait any longer than 30 minutes to get on ANY ride. The actual roller coaster rides now have this option called a "Fast Pass". This enables you to basically make an "appointment" to come back to the ride and bypass the lines. The bonus for us was that you could also get what is called a "Switch Pass". The Switch Pass enables parents with small children unable to ride the coasters the ability to BOTH ride...One parent rides with the child while the other one waits...then, the other parent can skip the line as well to ride! We literally rode EVERYTHING in the Magic Kingdom. The kids loved it, but a highlight was our Character breakfast with Minnie and friends. Boyce has absolutely no fear of the characters OR the rides. It had been 16 years since I had been back to California (I'm from there originally, in case you didn't know!) and the nostalgia ran high for me! Every ride I got on was a case of deja vu! Em's fav was Star Tours, which used to be mine! We had a GREAT time!

The Beach - We stayed in a great little hotel in Seal Beach for the rest of our stay! Unfortunately, it was a little too cold to swim, but that didn't stop Em and Bryan from taking a dip! The view and the ocean air was wonderful!

Hollywood - One of the highlights of our trip! Emily was DYING to go to Hollywood! We went down and drove through Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills first. Almost right when we turned onto Rodeo Drive, we saw a herd of paparazzi following someone. We craned our necks and it was none other than Larry King! We got a side angle picture of him! We drove over to Hollywood and Highland, which is one of the best views to get a picture of the Hollywood sign. Then, we toured the Kodak Theatre...where the Academy Awards take place! We got to see an actual Oscar (belonging to Eastman Kodak, of course!), walk the "winners hall", and stand in a box seat that over looks the whole theater! We got the play by play of how the show works and what goes on! It was really cool! The only drawback was that we could not take ANY pictures. We walked over to Grauman's Chinese Theater and looked at all of the hand and footprints and walked down the Walk of Fame! It was very cool to see all of the stars' squares!

Other highlights.....we saw my grandfather, my step-grandmother, and their son while we were there. AND, we met Mr. T in the airport on the way home!!

All in All a great trip....but, next year I think we will take a more "low key" journey!

P.S. Thanks to Dawn McCullough for making our blog pretty!!! :)

Do You Know Your Neighbors?

Okay, I've been sifting through the "Free" section of Craigslist lately (You should try it!). So, today I am rummaging through the lists and I see the ad below. The scary part isn't what she is giving away, it is that she literally lives in my neighborhood...I would bet on my street.

Free Milk & Eggs (Richardson)
Reply to: sale-jrt3g-1113619510@craigslist.org
Date: 2009-04-08, 6:21PM CDT
Unopened gallon of 2% milk and dozen eggs, expire tomorrow, so if you can use them tonight, you're welcome to come by and get them. I'm near Spring Valley & Grove (Audelia) in Richardson, if you're interested. I will just set them outside when you say you are coming. Thanks!
Location: Richardson


How hilarious is it that someone has milk that is about to expire and their first thought is to post it on Craigslist? Now, don't everyone go and respond to this person all at once!!

Sham-WOW!

Here's when you know your child has been affected by too much TV and infomercials....this is the dialogue of an actual conversation with Emily:

Emily: Mommy, I spilled juice in my room by accident.

Me: Okay, go get a towel and try to get as much of it up as you can.

Emily: Can I use one of the Sham-Wow's?

Me: Fine, whatever, I don't care.

Emily goes to the towel drawer in the kitchen....

Emily: Mommy, all the Sham-Wow's are dirty.

Me: Okay, so use a regular towel.

Emily: I can't!!!!! A regular towel won't get the spill up as good as the Sham-Wow!!!! Sham-Wow's do the best job!!

Me: Are you kidding me with that????? Just use a freaking towel!!! You are wasting time and letting juice soak into the carpet because you want to use a freaking Sham-Wow!

Emily: Can't I just wait until the Sham-Wow's are clean. Sham-Wow's will work better even if we wait!

Me (Now wanting to strangle that annoying guy from the commercial): What is your obsession???? Just clean up your mess already!!!



Seriously, that Sham-Wow guy must be stopped....I'm burning them all!

February Pictures of the Kids

Top 10 Reasons I Don't Go to the Office...

10. Since I have been working from home for about 6 years now, I have gotten out of the habit of putting on make-up in the car. That said, I am no longer good at it and do not enjoy poking myself in the eye with mascara.

9. Inevitably, I will have to refill all the printers and copiers in the office with paper. Apparently, I am the only one that knows how to do this chore. I do not know how others print and make copies when I don't go in....I only go in 1-2 times per week...MAX! This task will also unavoidably leave me with at least 3 paper cuts.

8. Seeing my bosses in person removes the veil of courtesy emitted over the phone. This exposure leads to cursing. This cursing leads to flailing of arms. The flailing of arms leads to slammed doors. The slammed doors snaps me back to reality and I realize that the C-Level executive is in the office this day. I also realize that I am now required to walk by his office....major embarrassment ensues.

7. Network connectivity.....lack thereof....enough said.

6. Putting on clothes that require dry cleaning is not high on my list of desirable things to do. Have you seen the cost of dry cleaning these days?? By the way, boys.....the cost of dry cleaning for womens' garments is MUCH higher than for yours.

5. Going to the office means that I have to figure out who is going to watch the baby and how Emily is going to get home from school. This generally is a major undertaking and overall not worth the trouble....I wind up only going in to the office for approximately 4 hours.

4. Awkward elevator rides. I don't like you, I don't know you, I think you smell, and I prefer to not speak with you.

3. There used to be one motivating factor associated with going to the office....FREE FOOD. The office manager we once had used to stock any kind of drink, bagel, cereal, candy, chip, or cookie you could want!! It was actually quite disgusting to see the natives feeding on the overwhelming amount of processed food. Trash cans would be absolutely full of empty candy wrappers! Unfortunately, our new office manager is not as generous or efficient (See #9).

2. Lunch outings with the bosses generally prove to be entertaining. However, they are very cheap and I am required to pay for my own lunch 99.999% of the time. Entertainment does not outweigh cost.

And the #1 reason I do not go to the office is:

TRAFFIC! I don't do stupid....I don't do asshole drivers...and, I don't do stop/go/stop/go/stop/go. Driving for 45 minutes to travel 8 miles is not mathematically appealing to me. I value my sanity! I prefer to not end up on the news as a result of an unfortunate road rage incident. IRVING IS OVER-RATED!

Telemundo!!

Orale!

You are all aware that I am a HUGE fan of any trashy/reality TV. I have now discovered the greatness that is Telemundo!  Their talk shows kick the hell out of any talk shows in English!  I don't understand half of what is going on, but let's be honest....do I really need to hear the words to know that some dude was cheating on his wife with a transsexual?  I think not!

Telemundo Talk Shows are actually set up similar to that of a boxing ring....they have a panel area like other talks shows do, but the difference here is that the audience is standing up around the panel cheering on the fighting!  And let me tell you, they don't hold back....clothes are ripped off, make up is smeared, extensions are pulled out...I love it!  

The best part about the Telemundo shows is the wardrobe of the hosts.  I kid you not, the other day there was a guy in a pink and brown argyle suit that had giant white daisy's all over it!!!  It is a thing of beauty!

I encourage you to check it out!

Adios!

A Day In the Life....

So, a lot of people have asked me what a typical day entails for me given that I work from home and have the baby home with me. Here goes!

5:45 a.m. - Hear Bryan getting ready for work. This includes his "Foghorn Leghorn" impression. For anyone that doesn't know him, it is the annoying way he blows his nose.

6:00 a.m. - The sounds of the baby rustling begins to filter through the monitor. So far he is just "talking" to himself so this makes it safe to stay put in my warm bed.

6:15 a.m. - "Talking" has ceased and full blown crying begins. Bryan is still home, so I continue to stay put and hope he takes pity on me.

6:30 a.m. - No pity taken. I gather the baby and begin the diaper change/bottle making shuffle. Now is the time to log in to my work account and say my "Good Morning" to the bossman.

7:00 a.m. - Time to wake up Emily for school. I get the normal "Don't Turn On the LIGHT!....I don't want to wear THAAATTT!....Why can't I be tardy today?.....Can I buy my lunch today?" barage of complaining. Boyce is resting on my hip laughing at his sister.

7:15 a.m. - Breakfast. I suggest fruit and a piece of toast. I am shot down and the request for Pop Tarts begins.

7:30 a.m. - Breakfast of fruit and a piece of toast (YAY! A win for Mom!) is being consumed and I pack lunch. Boyce is now in the bouncer watching and still laughing.

7:45 a.m. - We begin the departure to school. Emily has begun her daily pout regarding how I have done her hair and what is packed in her lunch. Boyce is no longer laughing as he has now been strapped into the carseat.

7:55 a.m. - Refrain from flipping off the jackass that tried to cut in front of me in the carpool line. Wave goodbye to Em. Make a mental note to create a 5-point plan to ammend the carpool situation and present it at the next PTA Meeting.

8:00 a.m. - Continue to ignore the screams of annoyance from the infant in the backseat as I pull into the driveway.

8:15 a.m. - Finish feeding Boyce his breakfast of rice cereal and bananas. This is his fav and was not spit back at me so that is considered a second win for Mom. He is getting his second bottle from my right hand. My left hand is typing IMs to the Recruiters. This is the time they start bugging me about when I will get their requests taken care of. Abstainence from using the derrogatory emoticons is required at this point.

8:30 a.m. - Boyce has gone down for his first nap of the day. Prayer time ensues asking for Boyce's unconsciousness for more than 30 minutes.

8:30 a.m. - 9:30 a.m. - I have been able to sort through my e-mails and make a few phone calls at this point. I consider myself "caught up" for the time being and rush over to start some laundry before my luck runs out.

9:30 a.m. - Boyce has risen. Judging from the smell of his diaper, there is a reason he has awaken.

9:45 a.m. - 11:30 a.m. - I call this "station time". This is the time of day I put Boyce in his different "stations" (i.e. bouncer, exersaucer, floor mat, Boppy pillow, on blanket with toys, and Bumbo) and hope that he stays in one spot for more than 15 minutes without screaming like he is being physically harmed in some way. Hope desists as it becomes extremely apparent that this is one of his needy days. I do, somehow, get some reporting done and schedule some meetings. I am also able to book some space needed for an Interview Day.

11:30 a.m. - The screaming can now be heard down the street so I give up and begin the diaper/bottle shuffle again. I also take this opportunity to feed him his lunch of green beans. Green beans have just been introduced to him this week, so they are quickly spit back at me. Score one point for Boyce.

12:00 p.m. - Time for nap #2. I do a happy dance as I put him in his crib and he goes down without a fight.

12:00 p.m. - 1:30 p.m. - Continue to be productive on the work front. I manage to unload the dishwasher and take a shower! This is another win for Mom!

1:30 p.m. - Boyce is stirring. He begins "talking" to himself again. I take the opportunity to get him up for a change and a feed before the trudge back to pick Emily up.

2:00 p.m. - This is by far the most loathed part of the day. Due to the bad weather, I am not able to walk to the school to pick up Emily and am forced to sit in the carpool line. You may be wondering why I get to the line at 2 when school doesn't let out until 3. This is because you must be smarter than the line you are in and it is kill or be killed up there. I am by no means the first person in line.....Today, I am lucky number 6! Boyce seems satisfied in his seat with his toys so I am excited to read my book for a while.

2:40 p.m. - I am forced to exit my vehicle and knock on the window of the car that has now double parked next to me in a half-assed attempt to cut to the front of the line. I keep the cursing quelled as I point at the long line of cars behind me and explain to the English-as-a-second-language driver that they need to be back that way. I also try to explain, as politely as I can, that they will cram their piece of shit Daewoo in front of my Jeep over my dead body.

2:45 p.m. - One of my parent friends calls me and asks if that was me pointing and flailing my arms about at another driver in the carpool line again. She already knows the answer.

3:10 p.m. - Finally arrive home and the diaper change/bottle making/homework reviewing/snack making shuffle begins.

3:30 p.m. - Boyce is forced into the bouncer and Emily and I are forced to listen to his high-pitched squeals as we do spelling words. I am simultaneously checking e-mails and answering missed IMs.

4:30 p.m. - I hear the glorious sound of the garage door opening. Bryan has arrived home and I do my second happy dance of the day as I pass him the baby. I now rush over to my computer and begin the printing of offer letters and prepping my files for the FedEx run.

5:10 p.m. - Boyce is down for a nap again and I run Emily to dance class and hit the FedEx box. I savor the 45 minutes of peace and quiet I get at this point.

6:05 p.m. - Return home with Emily in tow. She is now complaining that she is absolutely starving and will keel over if she does not eat soon.

6:30 p.m. - Eat dinner while continuing my work. Boyce is still down for a nap! Bonus points for quiet time during dinner.

7:30 p.m. - Daddy's turn to give the baby a meal. He gets the second round of green beans spit back on him as well. I stifle my chuckles.

8:30 p.m. - Emily is bathed and we begin reading. I get yelled at for checking my computer and typing while she is trying to read yet another Junie B. Jones book to me.

8:45 p.m. - I lose the fight over who will give Boyce his bath tonight. I begin plotting some sort of revenge on Bryan while I duck the stream of pee comping at my head during diaper removal.

9:15 p.m. - Piece of shit computer shuts down unexpectedly again so I consider that a sign that I should give up on the work for today.

9:30 p.m. - Catch up on recorded TV.

10:45 p.m. - Crawl into bed and hear Bryan snoring already. A light bulb goes off over my my head. I reach over and inflict the ever popular "Wet Willie". HA HA! Revenge is mine!