Top 10 Reasons I Don't Go to the Office...

10. Since I have been working from home for about 6 years now, I have gotten out of the habit of putting on make-up in the car. That said, I am no longer good at it and do not enjoy poking myself in the eye with mascara.

9. Inevitably, I will have to refill all the printers and copiers in the office with paper. Apparently, I am the only one that knows how to do this chore. I do not know how others print and make copies when I don't go in....I only go in 1-2 times per week...MAX! This task will also unavoidably leave me with at least 3 paper cuts.

8. Seeing my bosses in person removes the veil of courtesy emitted over the phone. This exposure leads to cursing. This cursing leads to flailing of arms. The flailing of arms leads to slammed doors. The slammed doors snaps me back to reality and I realize that the C-Level executive is in the office this day. I also realize that I am now required to walk by his office....major embarrassment ensues.

7. Network connectivity.....lack thereof....enough said.

6. Putting on clothes that require dry cleaning is not high on my list of desirable things to do. Have you seen the cost of dry cleaning these days?? By the way, boys.....the cost of dry cleaning for womens' garments is MUCH higher than for yours.

5. Going to the office means that I have to figure out who is going to watch the baby and how Emily is going to get home from school. This generally is a major undertaking and overall not worth the trouble....I wind up only going in to the office for approximately 4 hours.

4. Awkward elevator rides. I don't like you, I don't know you, I think you smell, and I prefer to not speak with you.

3. There used to be one motivating factor associated with going to the office....FREE FOOD. The office manager we once had used to stock any kind of drink, bagel, cereal, candy, chip, or cookie you could want!! It was actually quite disgusting to see the natives feeding on the overwhelming amount of processed food. Trash cans would be absolutely full of empty candy wrappers! Unfortunately, our new office manager is not as generous or efficient (See #9).

2. Lunch outings with the bosses generally prove to be entertaining. However, they are very cheap and I am required to pay for my own lunch 99.999% of the time. Entertainment does not outweigh cost.

And the #1 reason I do not go to the office is:

TRAFFIC! I don't do stupid....I don't do asshole drivers...and, I don't do stop/go/stop/go/stop/go. Driving for 45 minutes to travel 8 miles is not mathematically appealing to me. I value my sanity! I prefer to not end up on the news as a result of an unfortunate road rage incident. IRVING IS OVER-RATED!